Empty, Empty Nest…again.
No one warned me.Â
In 2004 and 2008, I experienced the deep angst of letting go of my little chicks. One by one they flew the coop.
Time was kind. I began finding new feathers for my nest. And, if I am completely honest (which I always try to be), I kind of enjoyed being a bit selfish again. Thinking a little more about me. Thinking a lot more about “us” (my marriage with Rob).
And, then, one by one they flew back. Brooke for a year while starting her career and waiting to marry her man.
Grant for a year while waiting to live out his dream (collegiate soccer coach).
Candace, in and out, while trekking the globe, one sketch at a time.
At first, it was quite an adjustment. An adjustment for us all. Twenty-somethings are ready to fly and be out on their own. I’m pretty sure they didn’t want to be under the eyes of momma and poppa bird.
But, once again, Time helped each one of us adjust. Adjust, after all, simply means, “to settle or bring to a satisfactory state, so that parties are agreed in the result.” The key being “to a satisfactory state.”
And then, darn it, something happened.
My momma’s heart kicked in and I actually began to love having them back: watching them bound down the steps, listening for their coming in and out and in and out, and in and out some more. Their presence always making our home feel like home, once again.
I know some of you might think I am absolutely crazy. You long for the day when you are at home alone. I know, I’ve been there. Five minutes to yourself? A whole day? That sounds amazing.
And, it is.
And “the house” is quiet and clean. Did I say, “quiet?”
Did I mention, “Clean?” Only one little hint that GK actually lived in this room. Oh, yes, and it is very “quiet.”
But, I know that I know that I know, I love being a mom. Every stinkin’ part of it. And, so I’m told, we raise children to “have roots and wings.” I get the roots part, it’s the wings part that I have trouble with.
Saturday morning at 5:45am, we said goodbye to our youngest, Grant Kellum (GK). Thankfully, I was still in sleep mode (from a long week at The Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writer’s Conference, more forthcoming), and therefore not coherent enough to grasp the finality of this departure. I’m pretty sure he won’t ever live under our roof again nor would I want him to. He needs to get on with his life. He’s got things to do. He’ll be home to visit, yes, and I will love that. Fix his favorites and all that.
It wasn’t until a few hours later, after I had woken up, that I looked for his white car in front of the house. I always did that in the morning to see if he was home or not. I pulled back the little curtain on the side of my front door and looked. Had he gone to work? Was he at the gym?
No, he wasn’t home. In fact, he was gone.
It was right then and there that I hated those wings. Those 6’5″ strong Crossfit wings that took him far away.
I let go of the little curtain and let go of my little boy, who isn’t very little anymore.
Thank you, God, for the privilege of raising not only my son, but my two daughters. I am so grateful.
Maybe today, you are having trouble letting go of a child. Letting go of a dream. Letting go of ________________.
Know that Time is on your side. You will have to make some adjustments. You will have to endure uninvited silence. Don’t rush the process. Let it do its work. I promise you, it will be worth it.
When we let go of one thing, we are actually opening our hands to the “somethings” we can’t envision at the moment.
So, here’s to opening our hands, even if it is one finger at a time. Here’s to letting our children live their lives and to us living ours!
Resources
Take a look:
Dear Janell,
The Rardon family is living out the command to go into all the world, to step out and take dominion for Christ. It is a happy day, though a hard day of letting go. What a dear Mother your children have been given!
From before the foundations of the world, God has been in control. He watches and knows well the goings forth of His creation. He knows our groans, He knows our joys. So often we need to participate in the holy struggle before we can achieve any realization of happiness. When I was going through a severe time in my life….one in which you caught the deluge of tears for me…..my Daddy commented one day that there would be “life after the trial”. My heart jumped at the opportunity to tell him, “No, Daddy, there is life IN the trial.” God had already shown me that He was there, and where God is, there is a sacred hallowed ground which we only enjoy in the midst of the struggle. It all has to do with our utter dependance on Him; casting our all on Him, for truly His care is tender.
Therefore, the struggle is the glory.
You are loved in your struggle,
Sherri
If anyone understands that struggle is a holy word, it is you, dear friend of mine! Sherri, there is life IN the trial. I believe it is the abundant life found only in the midst of difficulty. Doesn’t John Bunyan capture it best in his famed “Pilgrim’s Progress.” I love the way Pilgrim plods on towards the Celestial City. God help me see the joy in the journey. Life is all about the journey. I love you!!!
Janell…….
Thank you! Thank you for sharing your mother’s heart. What you just wrote is so true and yet…..having my children in 3 different cities has been difficult for me as well. I pray and pray for God to not let them struggle and to make things go well for them. It has been gut wrenching to receive calls and hear the pain in their voices. Yet………I can not rescue them…..though I have tried! 🙂 But, you reminded me of the truth. Thank you! God is so good to bring us the right words at the right time!
Dear Colleen, You do know that struggle is a holy word. My, how you have struggled. Your faith has remained constant. I am praying for you. Isn’t it amazing how God brings us through. . . through. . .that word. That interesting word. Through the Red Sea. Through the valley of the shadow of death. Through the eye of a needle. Through the Jordan River. Through the fiery furnace. Countless examples of God’s “through-power.” I sense another study – another blog – coming on. More later! Blessings dear friend. I know God will bring you through. . . Love, Janell
Oh Janell…..I think you must have read my thoughts about this crazy time of letting go of our kids. I was in California last week helping Megan get settled into her apt. and had to fly back without her! And whose idea was it for me to end up with one daughter on the east coast and one on the west coast anyway?! Suddenly Iowa seems a million miles from everywhere. I could totally picture you looking for Grant’s car! And yes, I know our kids our in a good place and we wouldn’t want them living with us forever but wow, this letting go stuff is so hard. ….walking the path with you, my friend.
Kathy,
I know…east coast, west coast….and then there is our darling traveler, Candace Rose…Who would have ever thought? I treasure the times we had together – a million moments filled with so much life! I sincerely believe the best is yet to come! Right?
Such a beautiful tribute to motherhood. Having a daughter entering her senior year of college and a son entering his senior year of high school next year, I’m sure I’ll have a roller coaster of emotions next spring when graduation rolls around. Thanks for sharing your heart 🙂
Oh my, Carol! Yes, you are in for quite the ride. That is exactly how we were. Our oldest, Candace, graduated college in May 2008 and the twins from high school a couple weeks later. Our family is quite used to such mayhem, as they have birthdays two days apart (Candace, June 17, the twins, June 15). I’m always here if you need some encouragement! 🙂 Enjoy each and every little moment.