“Experts define empty nest syndrome as a collection of symptoms including sadness, loneliness and/or grief experienced by parents whose children come of age and leave home. Unfortunately, because the empty nest syndrome is not a clinical diagnosis, there are few statistics on how many people are affected by it.” www.first30days.com
I feel like Hannah (1 Samuel 1-2:11) and I have been taking a very long walk together these past couple of months. As I have been preparing for several speaking engagements-both based on Hannah’s life-I’ve noticed several new things about Hannah, unnoticed up to this point. One being that Hannah, much like myself, must have experienced the “empty nest” when she left Samuel at the temple with Eli. If I could, I would ask Hannah:
How did you handle leaving your little promise at the temple? What was your first thought when you walked out of the temple? What were the first 30 days like after leaving Samuel? Did you busy yourself? Did you weep for days? Did you think of him constantly? Did Peninnah still chide you? harass you? annoy you? Did Elkanah say or do anything that possibly made the situation better? worse? What advice would you have, Hannah, for mothers who may be experiencing the same agonizing “separation anxiety?”
And, I remind myself, Hannah didn’t have email. Webcams. The postal service. IPhones. Cellphones. Accessible transportation. How did Hannah do it?
My son and I were talking the other day about my forthcoming empty nest. I told him that I bet I have been asked a hundred times or more, “What are you going to do next year?” He said, “Well, what do you say, Mom?” I said, “Simply. . . I don’t know. I’m not living in next year yet. I’ll let you know when it gets here.” He smiled.
One dominant theme keeps running through my heart and mind. . . I need to find new feathers for my empty nest. Years ago, I told my children to write down 100 things they wanted to do in their lifetime. So, now, I am compiling a new list. . . “100 New Feathers for My Empty Nest.” Paula Scardamalia writes, “When your house gets uncomfortably silent, dive into an activity you always wished you had time to do. Pursue creative interests like playing the piano, repairing clocks, ballroom dancing or learning a foreign language. Think of this (the empty nest) as an opportunity to reclaim your passions or discover new ones. You may also want to use this time to volunteer, as it allows you to fulfill your need to help others.”
So, here are a few “new feathers” I have been thinking about: Pilates Reformer sessions to regain my physical strength/agility, Italian cooking lessons, travel to Tuscany to take Italian cooking lessons (smile), writing more books, expanding my speaking/teaching ministry. . . to name a few.
AND, last but not least, Paula Scardamalia says, “With many Americans living until 80 or beyond, an empty nest at 50 or even older probably means spending as much time as a couple as within a family unit. Spend the first 30 days of your empty nest improving this relationship. Imagine your dating again – talk, joke, go on dates and spend more time being intimate. Rediscover the spark that got you two together in the first place.” Now, the empty nest doesn’t sound so bad, does it?
Okay, will you take the “100 New Feathers for my Empty Nest” challenge with me? PLEASE share your “new feathers” with me or perhaps, if you are not facing the empty nest, but another challenge that requires facing a change. . . how you faced the challenge to change.
I bet Hannah started making Samuel’s new little coat (1 Samuel 2:18-21). And, God gave her more children. God has new work for you and I, as well, and new opportunities! For more encouragement, read Paula Scardamalia’s entire article at http://www.first30days.com/your-empty-nest.
Hi, Janell.
My oldest is graduating next month and heading down to Central California in the Fall. I’m already worrying about it, so I love your “new feathers” idea. Here are a few for me:
– play the piano more
– do pushups and crunches daily
– start a small group for moms of college students
– find a great Bible study to attend
Love ya,
Susy
Hey there, dear Susy! Can I come to your Bible Study?? (Smile) 3,000 miles once a week! I think that is a great idea. I have so many friends whose first child is going off to college. I am going to pray about starting a Bible Study for college moms! Fantastic idea. I also love your “new feather” – playing the piano more. My oldest daughter, Candace, considers her piano playing “therapy!” PLUS, it can draw you closer to the Lord. Thanks for the encouraging words! Let’s keep praying for one another. Hugs today, Janell
Reblogged this on Fresh Starts and commented:
Reviewing and gathering this morning for upcoming book projects and Bible Studies. Little did I know that the words penned on April 26, 2008 would resonate with such intensity today, July 24, 2013…five years later. I need these words, again, as I face an “emptier” nest. Brooke has married the man of her dreams, and therefore has truly left the nest (even though I still have boxes in storage with her name on them), Candace Rose is a bona fide, professional travel writer who keeps us guessing month-to-month as to her whereabouts (smile), and Grant has finished his college career and is embarking on his new real estate agent adventure. So, even though one 6’5″ bird still somewhat resides in our upstairs nest, the nest has once again changed. Can anyone relate? In honor of my “emptier” nest, I am reposting this today. I need some encouragement. So much has changed in five years. PLEASE let me know how you handled your “emptier” nest!
My nest just changed this summer too. My oldest is now a 2LT in the Army and beginning his career in the Army thousands of miles away from home. I must say that I’m used to him not being home much because his college years were at a military college that kept him busy. But I knew he’d be home for holidays and would stop by for mom’s cookies and gumbo in between summer assignments. That’s changed now. His schedule is completely dependent on the Army, training schedules (that sometime run through holidays), and (gasp) his choices to spend his limited free time with others that Are close to him, not just mom and dad. I know this is a natural part of life, that God designed it this way, so I understand but my mama’s heart aches a bit. The phone calls aren’t quite as frequent as they used to be. On top of that, today we’re taking our daughter to school to move into her first townhouse. She’s actually going back 3weeks earlier because she has her own place to hang out which looks more appealing than being home. Don’t get me wrong, I know they love us and love their home, it’s just different now.
So my new feather is a painting I started working on a month ago. I’m not an artist, by the way. But I’ve painted a big canvas with warm yellows, oranges and reds in swirls in the background. Then in big huge cheery purple letters I’ve written Choose Joy. Each day I can look at this and acknowledge my mama’s heart is a bit sad and missing my kiddos but I’m going to Choose Joy, His Joy, and look for opportunities to reach out to others, serve my husband and draw closer to my Lord and Savior. This doesn’t imply easy, but I can make the decision to Choose Joy each day, even when I have to go it minute by minute.
Dana,
WOW. I don’t think I ever responded to this….my deepest apologies.
I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see a picture of your CHOOSE JOY painting…do you still have it?
I am currently working on a book project based on this empty nest blogging period….I’d love to include your story and a pic of your painting. If that is a possibility, would you consent to that? IF and when it is published, I’ll gladly give you a copy of the book (smile)–
How are you doing NOW????